Live Like You Mean It Read online

  “Staying out all night and partying are over rated.” He smiled at me, and for the first time that night I felt more comfortable in my skin. “I don’t know why you can’t date though.”

  “Time,” I began, “and responsibilities.”

  His brow lifted, as if he was waiting for me to expand on that.

  “I go to school full time. I work nights at the ER. And every other second of my day is devoted to my son. I’m lucky Mom watches him for me when I’m at school and work, but…” I shrugged. “Well, he’s my son, not hers. I can’t ask her to do more than that.”

  He nodded as though that made sense. “So you’re carrying a full load, you’re working, and you’re a mom.” He slid his hand around mine and squeezed, sending warmth shooting through me. “When do you have time for you, Leah?”

  “Time for me?” I echoed. Was he kidding? “I don’t have time for me.”

  He frowned at me. “Hardly healthy.”

  “It’s not like I have a choice.”

  “We always have choices.”

  Not me. Not anymore. “Look, I was young and stupid. That’s on me. I don’t want Aiden to suffer because I made colossal mistake after colossal mistake. He didn’t ask to be born. And I owe it to him to give him the best possible life I can.”

  “At the expense of your own?”

  He was certainly pushy for someone who didn’t know the first thing about my life. I glared at him, petulantly.

  “We get one chance at life, Leah. It’s great you want to take care of your son. But you can’t stop living your life in the process. You don’t owe him that. You don’t owe anyone that.”

  “Are you a parent?” I asked, irritation washing over me.

  “Uh, no,” he said in a rather judgmental way, which only made my irritation grow.

  “Then you don’t know anything about it, Brody.” I retrieved my hand from his grasp and folded my arms across my chest.

  And then the waitress arrived with our food. I had no appetite anymore and the last thing I wanted to do was eat anything. But I’d rather stare at my salad than look at him any longer.

  Poor Aiden had gotten the short end of the stick as far as parents went. He had a mother who was gone more often than she was home. And he didn’t have a father at all. I didn’t know what I would do without my mom, without Mike to help out. I was more fortunate than I could have been. The sooner I got my RN, the sooner I could get my own place, the sooner I could be there for Aiden instead of depending on my mother so much. That was the goal. That’s what I was focused on. I shouldn’t have even come on this date. I shouldn’t have kissed Brody Campbell. And I certainly shouldn’t have enjoyed it as much as I had. It had momentarily made me feel like everyone else, but I wasn’t like everyone else. I was me. And forgetting that was the worst thing I could do for Aiden and for myself.

  I picked at my salad, but the thought of eating it only turned my stomach.

  “Not hungry?” he asked before taking a bite of his greasy burger. His appetite wasn’t lost. Damn him for that.

  “Yeah, I’m really not,” I said. “Maybe I can get it boxed to go.”

  Brody heaved a sigh and sat back in apparent frustration as though someone had been belittling the way he lived his life all night. “You can’t even have a dinner for yourself, Leah?”

  “I can do anything I want, Brody. But I choose to responsible for my son’s sake.”

  “He’s not here tonight.”

  “No,” I agreed. “And I shouldn’t be either.” I pushed out of my seat. “Thanks for the dinner, though.” And then I rushed out of the restaurant before he could stop me or see the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks.

  The air seemed cooler than it had when we got there. But I suspected it was the loss of Brody’s presence that made me cold.

  I rushed for my car, fumbled for my keys and drove out of the grill’s parking lot as fast as I could. The further away from him I got, the better I felt, the more my life seemed back in focus. I’d been an idiot to agree to that dinner. A giant idiot.

  When I pulled into the drive at home, I sat there for a minute, staring up at the house where I’d lived my whole life. And I started to cry. I’d made a mess out of my life. I didn’t want to make a mess out of Aiden’s. I was pulled in so many directions, trying so hard to do the right thing for everyone.

  But for the first time in the longest while, I felt like me again – even if it was for the briefest of moments – when I was pressed up against my car with Brody Campbell pressed up against me. It had been freeing, exhilarating, a glimpse of what my life could have been if I’d made better choices when I was younger. But I hadn’t been any smarter tonight than I had been all those years ago.

  Fuck. Morning light spilled into my room and I wasn’t sure if I had gotten even ten minutes of sleep last night.

  Whenever I closed my eyes, I kept seeing Leah run out on me at the grill. I shouldn’t have given her a second thought. And I shouldn’t have given her a third or fourth thought. And I shouldn’t have stayed up most of the night with lyrics pounding in my head until I wrote them down.

  But I had.

  A son. She had a son! What the fuck? I won’t lie, I hadn’t seen that coming. Not at all. And the news wasn’t any more palatable this morning than it had been the night before.

  I should have considered myself lucky that she ran out on me last night. I’d told myself I was lucky all night long. I didn’t want to get involved with a girl who had a kid. I had my life to live and enjoy and I didn’t need the drama and responsibilities that came along with Leah’s life. Not at all. Not even for a day.

  She was hot and I was into her, but there were a lot of hot girls out there. Why should I think about her all night?

  Because kissing her had been amazing. And she’d fit so well against me. And…God, the memory of her pressing her chest against mine made me hard all over again. The truth was, I’d do anything to get my hands on her. But I couldn’t.

  For one, I was pretty sure she never wanted to see me again, even though I’d done nothing except give her excellent advice. And for another, I just couldn’t let myself get roped into her life. I had my own to think about. I had an album to make with the Johnny Staub, not that I’d told the rest of the guys about that. And I had my last semester before I graduated in the winter and said goodbye to Wheston, Virginia forever. Single moms were not on my schedule. Not even her.

  I stumbled out of bed and made my way to the kitchen to make some coffee. I was going to need a lot of fucking coffee today. A lot of fucking coffee.

  Damn it. I’d already taken down the best pictures on my Facebook page too. What a complete waste of time that had been. Some of them I couldn’t even get back.

  Waiting for my coffee to percolate, my cell beeped with a text. I glared at my phone on the countertop. What now? I was not in the mood to deal with anyone, not that I ever was in the morning. But certainly not this morning.

  I glanced down at the display and my mood only got worse.

  Hey, call me when you wake up. From my little brother. What the fuck did Braden want?

  I was half-tempted to delete the text and pretend I never got it, but I was still waiting on my coffee. So what else did I have to do except try to figure out if there was a way to get some of those deleted pics back? I tapped on Braden’s text and hit the contact button to call him.

  “Oh! You’re awake.” He picked up before it even rang on my end, and sounded too damn cheerful at this hour. “Thought you’d still be asleep.”

  “What is it?” I growled. I wasn’t in the mood for anyone to be cheerful and certainly not him. If this was about Dad’s visit…

  “Uh…” he began as though I’d offended him. But he’d grown up with me. He knew I wasn’t a morning person, better than anyone else in Wheston. What the fuck did he want from me?

  “Ok, well, thanks for texting.” I was just about to hang up on him. “Always a pleasure, Bray.”

  But
then he said, “That girl you were with last night…” before his voice trailed off again.

  Leah? My stomach twisted at just the thought of her. “What the hell is it?” I grumbled.

  “She…” He heaved a sigh on the other end. “A guy at my table last night is from here. He knew her in high school.”

  And I had a feeling I knew what was coming next.

  “Just wanted you to know she has a kid. Just in case, you know, you didn’t know.”

  “Well, I do know,” I said. That information had ruined my whole fucking evening.

  “Oh.” He sounded surprised. “Well, just wanted to make sure you knew.”

  Something about Braden’s warning hit me wrong. Like I could almost hear my dad in his voice. And that irritated the shit out of me. “Why?”

  “Why?” he echoed.

  “Why do you care one way or the other? She takes care of her son. I don’t know what business it is of yours or what exactly you’re trying to warn me about.”

  “Well, you know…” He sounded less cheerful all of a sudden. “Dad always says you gotta be careful with women. Ulterior motives and all that.”

  Because he’d thought Mom had trapped him all those years ago. Braden was lucky he was over the phone and not in my apartment. The last thing Leah Willett had was ulterior motives. I’d had to practically beg for the one date we did have, and her responsibilities to a kid who was probably already in bed made her ditch me before she’d even had a taste of her salad.

  “Yeah, I’m sure she’s plotting a way to join the family right now,” I said with a whole lot of sarcasm. “’Cause we’re all so fucking great.” And then I hit the end button before Braden could respond to that.

  I realized, too late, that Cade was standing in the kitchen doorway, rubbing his eyes as though he’d just woken up. “Everything all right?” he asked around a yawn. And he resembled the Cade I’d been friends with for two and a half years, the Cade who was a decent person and an actual human being. But then, he was a morning person and I wasn’t.

  “My brother,” I grumbled, not sure I wanted to divulge any more than that. The situation with Leah was still too raw inside me. I didn’t know what I felt or what I thought, and I wasn’t in any hurry to get second opinions.

  Cade nodded and, thankfully, didn’t press me to say more than that. He looked past me at the coffee maker and said, “Can I have a cup too?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  And then he retreated to the living room and left me alone. Or he would have if he hadn’t yelled a minute later, “Good God, Kelly! What the hell?”

  Kelly, our neighbor Kelly?

  I left the kitchen and walked straight into the living room to find Kelly Cooper, our next door neighbor, wrapped up in a blanket on our sofa. Her blonde hair all matted on one side and her eyes red-rimmed like she’d been crying all night.

  She looked from Cade to me and back. “Sorry,” she said and her voice sounded pretty hoarse like there was nothing left to her at all. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

  “Uh.” Cade gestured toward our right wall. “You live over there.”

  She shook her head and she started to tear up. What the hell?

  I scrubbed a hand down my face. “What happened?” I grumbled. God, this was the last damn thing my morning needed.

  She shrugged and looked down at her hands. She was wringing them and looking pretty pathetic. “Sean’s been cheating on me.” She took a breath. “Just found out last night. So I left.”

  “Why didn’t you kick him out instead?” I said, which was probably the wrong thing to do since she started crying a half-second later.

  “I-I-I don’t know.”

  Cade glared at me. “Don’t mind him. He’s always an ass in the morning.” Then he dropped onto the love seat. “How did you even get in here, Kelly?”

  She lifted her gaze and smiled weakly at him. “You gave me a key. Remember?”

  “Yeah. A spare in case I got locked out.” He sighed. “I didn’t think you were going to break into the place in the middle of the night.”

  “I didn’t break in. I used the key.” Then she started sobbing even harder. “I-I-I didn’t know what else to do. I don’t have anywhere to go.”

  “It’s ok. It’s ok,” Cade soothed.

  But it wasn’t ok. It was hard enough to wrap my thoughts around my own problems. I didn’t need any domestic drama playing out in my living room first thing in the goddamn morning.

  I’d never been so happy to get ready for class. Cade and Kelly could console each other for all I cared. I wasn’t in the mood. I could get breakfast on campus and hopefully by the time I got home that afternoon, she’d be gone.

  Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.

  I had never seen him on campus before this morning. Why now? Why today when my nerves were still fried from last night?

  Brody was walking across the far end of the quad, looking like he’d just stepped out of a GQ cover shoot. I hated him right then. That he should look so handsome, so confident, so put together when I felt like the complete opposite made my stomach twist in a knot.

  Damn it! He’d spotted me. I knew he did. He’d stopped mid-step and just stared at me, which did nothing to lift my spirits. I didn’t have time for this. I didn’t have it in me to worry or care about what he thought. So, I hitched my bag higher on my shoulder and started for the Gregson building.

  “Oh, Leah!” Meghan Hemmings appeared at my side, her dark ponytail swishing back and forth. “I’m so glad I found you.”

  I couldn’t say the same. I didn’t know what my brother saw in Meghan. Unless it was the tight shirts she liked so much, I’d missed it and so had my mom. But unless things changed, she’d be my sister-in-law someday. And I did love my brother, so I pasted a smile on my face that I was nowhere near close to feeling and said, “Hey, Meghan.”

  “Hey.” She drew me to a stop. “I’m hosting a jewelry party tomorrow night. I thought you might want to come. It’s mostly costume stuff. Even you’ll be able to afford a few things.”

  Even me, huh? I bit my tongue to keep from saying something that would get me in trouble. My phony sweet smile widened. “Oh, that sounds like fun, but I have to work. Thanks for thinking of me, though.” Yeah, thanks for thinking of me last minute and then insulting me. I really appreciate it. I shouldn’t have been surprised. That’s how Meghan always was. But I just didn’t have my usual threshold for tolerance that morning.

  “You can order something online, if you…” Meghan’s eyes widened and she made the strangest sound. Almost like a squeak got caught in her throat. “I—um—forgot. I’m supposed to meet Mike right now. See ya soon,” she said all in one breath before turning on her heel and practically bolting across the quad.

  “Yeah, whatever,” I muttered under my breath, just relieved I didn’t have to continue talking to her any longer.

  I would have started for my building if Brody’s voice from behind me hadn’t hit my ears. “Leah,” he rumbled my name and the knot in my stomach tightened.

  I closed my eyes and willed him away as fast as Meghan had vanished from the quad. Though there was no way I’d be as lucky a second time. Brody was right at my back. I could feel his heat. Running away wasn’t an option. So I slowly turned around to face him and my heart squeezed at the sight of him.

  Damn, I wished I didn’t remember how it felt to have his lips on mine, how his muscled abs felt pressed against my breasts. It would be a whole lot easier to get on with my life if I didn’t remember any of that.

  But I did.

  I forced another smile to my face, but this one wasn’t sickly sweet like I’d had to do for Meghan. This time I hoped my smile said – Oh! You look familiar, but I can’t quite remember you. No, you didn’t affect me at all. Who are you again? But I was pretty sure I failed miserably at that.

  His blue eyes held my gaze and I felt the intensity of it all the way in the marrow of my bones. “I’m sorry that I upset you last night,”
he said.

  Well, I hadn’t expected an apology. My heart actually leaped. I’d heard that phrase all my life about hearts leaping, but I didn’t know it could really happen until that moment. “Yeah, no big deal,” I said with a shrug. He had apologized, but nothing was any different now than it had been the night before. “Anyway, I gotta get to class.”

  His brow creased as if he wanted to say something but was carefully thinking it through. “Let me make it up to you,” he said, and his frown darkened like he was really serious. “You free tonight?”

  “No. I’m working.” But even if I wasn’t, I couldn’t leave Aiden with Mom two nights in a row. People without children never understood that.

  “So… What do I have to do? Get my hand busted up to see you again?” A twinkle flashed in his eyes and I felt my resolve weakening. Brody Campbell could have any girl he set his mind on. Why was he wasting his time on me?

  It was flattering. It was tempting. I wanted what he was offering more than anything else. Well, almost…

  “I don’t think so, Brody. If I saw you again, I’d probably do something really stupid like fall head over heels, and we both know that’s a bad idea.” I couldn’t believe those words came out of my mouth. My cheeks stung, but I didn’t look away from him. What I’d said was true and there was no point in traveling down a foolish path. “Besides you need your hand to heal or you’ll never play again.”

  Before he could say anything that could stop me or make me take back anything I’d said, I stepped around him, hitched the strap of my bag up my shoulder one more time and made a direct path toward the Gregson Building. And I prayed I looked more together than I felt.

  I navigated my way around other students, racing as quickly as I could to philosophy. I know it sounds strange, but it was almost like I’d only feel comfortable once the door to the class closed and the rest of the world was shut out of our little class. My pulse was pounding and my head was still spinning as I dropped into a seat.