A Scandalous Deception Page 14

  But none of that mattered. She wasn’t free, after all, and wishing she was wouldn’t change the situation. Even still, that didn’t make her heart hurt any less. She doubted anything ever would.

  She should get up, throw on a clean dress, head into Juliet’s chambers, visit her sister and—

  Just then, the door to her chambers was unceremoniously tossed open and her little blond-headed nephew raced across the floor and hurled himself onto her bed. “Aunt Lissy!” he cried, wrapping his arms around her neck.

  She couldn’t help but laugh. The boy was such a little scamp. “Good morning, Ben.” She hugged him tightly to her and kissed one of his rosy cheeks. “I have missed you.”

  “Benton,” Fin’s voice came from the threshold, “your nurse is waiting for you.”

  Lissy clutched her nephew a bit tighter to her as though the boy could shield her from having to face Fin, but that was silly and not terribly effective in the long run. Besides, she couldn’t use the child that way. It was hardly fair to him. So she kissed Ben’s cheek once more, loosened her hold on him and said, “Go see nurse and we’ll play later, all right, sweetheart?”

  He nodded quickly, scrambled from the bed and stopped right in front of Fin. “See. I found her for you.”

  “That you did.” Fin didn’t even have the decency to look contrite for manipulating the three-year-old. “You are the best scout, Ben.” He tousled the boy’s hair before turning his pointed attention on Lissy. “Good morning.” His brown gaze nearly scorched her where she sat.

  Without a look backwards, Ben took off down the corridor like a tiny tornado, leaving Lissy to fend for herself.

  She folded her arms across her chest, and glared at the viscount who looked as though he had enjoyed a very restful sleep. Blast him. “I cannot believe you used that little boy to gain access to my chambers. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

  Fin shrugged a bit, completely unrepentant. “I’ve been a politician all my life, Lissy. One should have as many allies as one is able to possess, even those found in very small packages. And one should know the best time to ask for favors.”

  “I hardly think Juliet would appreciate you using him in such a way.”

  “I hardly think Juliet would appreciate the fact that you risked your life racing across the county last night. But I didn’t come here to discuss what would or would not make your sister happy.”

  No, of course not. He’d want to talk about what happened between them, and Lissy would rather do almost anything else in the world. “I’m not even dressed, Fin,” she complained, even though she was still wearing her clothes from yesterday and was perfectly decent.

  He stepped into her chambers and shut the door behind him. “I’ve seen you in less.”

  Hardly a gentlemanly thing to remind her of. “Phineas,” she began, adopting Juliet’s most haughty voice, “open that door at once.”

  His brow lifted perceptibly. “Do you really want all of Prestwick Chase to overhear our conversation?”

  She didn’t even want to hear it herself. “This is all highly improper. And I know how you pride propriety above all else, so—”

  “I think we’re beyond propriety, Lissy.” He shook his head, his warm brown eyes boring into hers as though he knew exactly what she was up to. Of course, he probably did, as he’d known her most of her life. “We need to talk.”

  The hard line of his jaw made it quite clear that he wouldn’t be dismissed very easily. But talking wouldn’t solve their predicament, and having him alone in her chambers only made the memories of yesterday stronger in her mind. If she could only put him off a few more minutes, give her sleep-deprived mind a little bit of time to figure out what she could say. Lissy feigned a smile and said, “Give me time to change and we can talk in the breakfast room, then.”

  “You mean give you time to bolt somewhere else, don’t you?” He crossed the floor in a few strides and stopped at the foot of her bed. “Do take pity on me, Lissy. No more running. Let’s just talk, shall we?” And then he sat on the very edge of her bed.

  Lissy gulped. The nearness of him invaded her senses and should have sent her fleeing for safety; but it was Fin – kind, dutiful, noble Fin. A more honorable man didn’t exist, or at least she hadn’t met anymore more noble than him.

  He captured her hand in his and tingles raced across her skin from the contact. “Sweetheart,” he began.

  But Lissy pulled her hand from his grasp and shook her head. “Don’t, Fin. Whatever you’re about to say, please don’t. I don’t want to lose you and if you—”

  “You’re not going to lose me.”

  “If you say anything else, I will. If you say anything else then things will never go back to how they were, and I—”

  “I don’t want things to go back to how they were.” His eyes seemed to warm even more. “I want you, Lissy, for now and for always. I meant what I said last night at the inn.”

  And what she wouldn’t give to make all of that a possibility. But it wasn’t. And it couldn’t be. “I can’t get married again, Fin. I just can’t. You can talk about it all you want, but it won’t change that fact.”

  He heaved a sigh. “You know I’d never hurt you.”

  She did know it. Fin would never hurt anyone, but… “That doesn’t have anything to do with this.”

  “Doesn’t it?” His brow lifted in question. “I saw the fear in your eyes, Felicity. Just like I used to see it in Georgie’s.”

  Lissy snorted. “I am not Georgie.” She was the furthest thing from her sainted sister.

  “No. Two sisters couldn’t be more different,” he agreed. “But in this you are the same. I know that particular look, Felicity. I know it better than most. Every time I saw it in her eyes it broke my heart and seeing it in yours nearly killed me. How could anyone mistreat you? How could anyone steal your lightheartedness, your sweet nature?”

  How had he possibly seen all of that? Feeling vulnerable and quite exposed all of a sudden, Lissy tugged the counterpane closer to her chest as though she could somehow keep him from seeing anything else. “Don’t, Fin.”

  “Don’t talk about it?” His eyes bore into hers once more. “It’s the only way to dispense with the ghosts of the past, Lissy. Face them head on. Take away the power they have over you. And I’ll help you. I’ll be right there with you, every step of the way, because I love you. I love you with all my heart.”

  Lissy didn’t realize tears had started to stream down her face until Fin retrieved his handkerchief and softly pressed it to her cheeks. She could only stare at him. Gentle, honest, honorable Fin. He deserved so much better than her, and if she’d done things differently…

  Lissy’s eyes dropped to her lap. She couldn’t look at him, not with his uncanny ability to see so clearly into her soul. When had he developed that skill?

  “There’s no need to rush anything, sweetheart. We can move as slowly as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I’m not marrying you, Fin,” she whispered. She wouldn’t be a bigamist, no matter how badly she might wish the future he painted in her mind was a possibility. “And that is that. So please do leave. You shouldn’t be in here.”

  He heaved a frustrated sigh. “Felicity,” he began in his most placating tone, “I know you felt the same as I did yesterday. I know it wasn’t just me.”

  And she would relive that night for the rest of her life. But that didn’t change the situation in the least. “Go, Fin.”

  “Not until you hear me out.” He slid a tiny bit closer to her on the bed and his voice softened to a whisper, “It is quite possible that you’re carrying my child, you know? And—”

  A strangled, mirthless laugh escaped Lissy. “I can’t have children, Fin.” Her voice sounded weak to her own ears as the memory of her miscarriage began pushing at the corners of her mind. “So if that’s what has you so concerned, there is no reason.”

  He sucked in a surprised breath, but Lissy still couldn’t look at him. He’d
see right through her if she met his gaze. “I’m concerned about you,” he said most earnestly, nearly breaking her heart once more.

  Of course he was concerned about her. That’s who he was, what he did. Always trying to make certain those he cared about were fine. And he cared about her. He loved her. He’d said so a number of times, but even if he hadn’t said the words, she’d know he loved her. She could hear it in his voice.

  It must have become clear that she had no intention of saying anything else because he pressed forward with, “What do you mean you can’t have children?”

  Lissy shrugged. “Doctor Watts said it just isn’t possible for me,” she replied. In truth, the London doctor had explained quite some time ago that the trauma she’d suffered in Boston would make it nearly impossible for her to conceive or carry a child to term, but she wasn’t about to tell Fin any of that. She’d never breathed a word to anyone after hearing that truth, and the last thing she wanted to do was remember the heartache she’d felt upon hearing those words. “Now do, please, leave me be.”

  Fin seemed to reach a hand in her direction but then thought the better of it and let his hand drop to the counterpane beside her instead. “I love you, Lissy. I just want to help. I wish you’d explain everything to me.”

  But that was the one thing she couldn’t do.

  Fin wanted to brush his hands across her cheek, to comfort her, to love her. But her back was straight as a board and she refused to even look at him. Staying in her chambers at the moment wasn’t going to earn him any rewards.

  So he slid from the edge of her bed, walked slowly towards her closed door and then opened it. Standing in the hallway, leaning his large frame against the wall, was Lucas Beckford. His arms were folded across his chest and he wore a bemused expression. Damn it. That didn’t bode well.

  “Fell rather hard, did you?” the man echoed Fin’s words from the night before.

  Fin quickly shut Lissy’s door and then turned to face her brother-in-law. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Damn it all, he’d rather not have this particular conversation just now, but there was no avoiding it, apparently.

  “Come now, you can do better than that. Besides, Ben isn’t really old enough to keep secrets and you did enlist my son’s aid this morning.”

  Not that Fin had said anything to the child other than to ask for the boy’s help in locating his Aunt Lissy.

  Beckford chuckled and gestured towards Lissy’s door with the tilt of his head. “You were in there quite some time and I didn’t hear any of the usual lectures come filtering through the door.”

  “I don’t always lecture her.” Fin started down the corridor, away from her chambers, towards the staircase. If they were to have this conversation, he’d rather do it somewhere else, somewhere she couldn’t possibly overhear.

  “Apparently not.” Beckford met his pace. “You seem quite distraught, though. Everything all right?”

  Fin scoffed. Nothing was all right and he didn’t even have a damned clue as to why. “If she’d just talk to me…”

  The gentleman clapped a commiserating hand to Fin’s back. “You did enter her chambers without invitation. Women, in my experience, are never very happy about that. Well, not usually.”

  Fin stopped in his tracks and turned to face Beckford. Strange as it was, the one-time rake might be the closest thing he had to an ally at The Chase. “Everything was perfectly fine, everything was perfect until I mentioned marriage and then she bolted across Derbyshire in the dead of night as though the devil was chasing after her.”

  Beckford’s brow lifted as though he’d just found the final puzzle piece he’d been searching for. “I never knew the old duke. He must have been quite the bastard to terrify each of his daughters from ever wanting to marry. Juliet wore her fortune as though it was some sort of magical cloak that could protect her from the parson’s noose.” He shook his head. “She was in love with me, Carraway. She loved me as much as I loved her, but she never would have married me, not if Albert St. Claire hadn’t been coming for her, not if she didn’t need the protection my name offered in that moment.”

  That was probably true. Juliet had most definitely had an aversion to matrimony. She had witnessed more than one of her father’s unhappy unions. “Prestwick was mostly remote, distant,” Fin began, starting again for the breakfast room in the hopes of a much needed coffee. When Beckford matched his stride, he continued, “He didn’t care a thing about his daughters, nor any of his wives, from what I understand. He certainly didn’t give Pamela a second thought except in terms of her providing him an heir.” And Fin’s older sister had deserved a second thought. She’d deserved love and admiration, not a disinterested man, old enough to be her father, even if he was a duke. “I never saw him be cruel to any of them. Honestly, I don’t think he cared enough.” He shrugged. “Except for Edmund. His son, his legacy.” Prestwick had been over the moon when his son was born, but the man hadn’t even shed a tear over the death of his young wife the very same day.

  “The boy is better off with you as his guardian than he would have been raised by his father,” Beckford grumbled.

  Fin did adore Edmund. The boy looked so much like Pamela. He was a constant reminder of Fin’s beloved sister. Even so, he shook off the compliment. He couldn’t take credit for Edmund, much as he would like to. “Georgie and Juliet are responsible for the wonderful boy he is.”

  “Always so modest.” The gentleman smiled. “If left up to Juliet, Edmund would be a spoiled little devil, and you know it. You’re responsible for the duke he is, Phineas, instilling honor and duty in him.”

  Like he’d hoped to do with a child of his own one day. Lissy’s revelation of her bareness had crushed part of Fin’s soul, but it didn’t change the way he felt about her. He loved her. He loved her with all his heart and nothing would change that. “I like to think he inherited that from my sister. Pamela was dutiful and kind. I wish she could have known him. She’d be so proud of her son.”

  Beckford heaved a sigh as they reached the breakfast room. “What are you going to do about Lissy?”

  “I haven’t the faintest idea. She won’t even talk to me. How can you reason with a lady who won’t even talk to you?”

  A bit of wickedness flashed in Beckford’s eyes. “Well, you were in her chambers a rather long time. I could demand you do the honorable thing.”

  At that, Fin laughed. He couldn’t help it. “If I thought that would work, Luke, I’d take you up on it.” He settled into a chair at the table and gestured for a cup of coffee, which a footman delivered right away.

  “I can be quite demanding when I set my mind to it.” Luke began to fill his plate from the sideboard. “I’ll just sit her down and explain things to her.”

  “It wouldn’t matter.” Fin should probably break his fast as well, but the idea of food made his stomach turn. “She’s built some wall up around her.” He took his first sip of coffee. He’d need a lot more before the day was through, he had no doubt. “I’m not sure what Aaron Pierce did to her, but it was something. Something that still strikes terror in her heart. I’ve only ever seen that look in Georgie’s eyes before, whenever the subject of Teynham arose.”

  Luke turned around, his plate in hand, staring at Fin. “Pierce physically harmed her?” A vein pulsed in his neck. “What did he do?”

  That was the question, wasn’t it? Fin shook his head, trying to make sense of it all, to no avail. “I wish I knew. Much easier to slay a dragon when you know which dragon it is you need to slay.”

  Luke dropped into a seat across from Fin, his brow creased with concern. “But you’re certain it’s something?”

  “More than certain.” Fin frowned. “I just feel like a bloody fool for not realizing it before now. How the devil was I so blind for so long?”

  Lissy strode into her sister’s room. At least focusing on Juliet, she wouldn’t have to think about Fin. Her older sister was reading some leather-bound book in bed, propped up again
st a mound of pillows, her dark hair unpinned and down about her shoulders. Juliet always had demanded the most comfort, and Lissy couldn’t help but smile upon seeing her look so well.

  “Jules!” She rushed towards the large four-poster, relieved beyond measure to finally see her sister.

  Juliet dropped her book to the counterpane, and true joy shone in her dark eyes. “Lissy!” She reached both of her arms out, an invitation to be embraced if there ever was one. “Luke said you and Fin arrived separately in the middle of the night.”

  Lissy hugged her sister gently, careful not to hurt her. “I couldn’t wait to see you.”

  Juliet laughed, hugging Lissy a bit tighter. “Next time, be less anxious. You could have gotten hurt.”

  Lissy pulled out of her sister’s embrace and grinned. “So little faith in my skills as a rider?”

  Juliet rolled her eyes. “I’m not even going to respond to such a ridiculous question.”

  “How are you, Jules? Ever since I got Luke’s letter I’ve been out of my mind with worry.”

  “Hot.” Her sister patted a space on the bed beside her. “And uncomfortable. And miserable. Do tell me everything I’m missing in Town. I am bored out of my mind, stuck in this bed.”

  Lissy climbed onto the bed beside her sister and rested her head on Juliet’s shoulder, just like she used to when they were much younger. She’ always idolized Juliet, who was always so brave, so confident, so headstrong. Lissy had often wondered during those awful months in Boston what Juliet would have done in her place. Her sister had such a commanding presence about her, she always had. Would Jules have intimidated Aaron from the very beginning? Would she have put him so perfectly in his place that he wouldn’t have dared to lay a finger on her? Or would even the bold and courageous Juliet have buckled under Aaron’s viciousness? Would any woman have ever stood a chance against him?

  Beside her, Juliet sucked in a breath and grabbed a handful of counterpane. Her features, at once, all looked quite strained.